Saturday, March 7, 2009

A trip to the Friday Market

My Uncle insisted I check out this place just for the experience….and let me say if you have been to Kuwait and never been to the Friday market….you’re seriously missing out.


Anyway I went to the “Friday Market” on a Saturday so not sure why they call the bloody thing a Friday market….What it should be called is the damn Kuwaiti Dollar Store. You have all these Bengalis selling stuff they probably found in a dumpster…fax machines from 1995….over the top fabric…bootlegged tide detergent. There was a dude selling a plasma without a power cord (WTF)…just the screen wrapped in bubble wrap. All sorts of random crap!



I was looking at the beds…and I saw this crib with a huge picture of what appeared to be a Tom and Jerry picture. But it was such a bad knock off that Tom looked like a dog….Jerry looked like a rat….and on top the ugly ass font read “TOM AND GERRY”….. : D – What makes it even funnier is… I could tell where it was made without looking at the tag….EGYPT.



For those that don’t know…. the Egyptians have a weird dialect and they pronounce all their J’s like a G. For example Jeddah in Saudi Arabia….is pronounced Geddah. Also most Arabs don’t pronounce the P….it’s usually replaced with a B….For example: Pepsi is referred to as Bebsi….and you may also hear “No Barking in the barking lot”



I also saw bootlegged colognes…one of my personal favorites… Joop! However this one was spelt JOOB! A buddy of mine told me that JOOB is the Arab version of the cologne that is manufactured in Dubai. They intentionally changed the name because it does not have any alcohol in it…therefore; JOOB is the cologne of choice for the Islamic man. Not sure how true that story is, but it sure is funny. Some other funny names were Hugo…was HOUO, Farenheight was Ferenhight and Jadore was Godore (yea…don’t ask)

They also have an “Animal Market” located right next to the Friday Market and this place was one depressing pet store or mini zoo. I was surprised to see how many people were selling chickens…my peoples are into cockfighting, so I wasn’t exactly sure why all these Kuwaitis were walking around holding these chickens by their neck. My sister (animal rights activist depending on what day of the week it is) would have had a fit had she been there.


There was a Kuwaiti selling these 2 monkeys in a tiny bird cage. One of the monkeys was considerably smaller and weaker but he was the most adorable little bugger. He had his little face resting on his arms, while his tiny black hands were gripping the bars of bird cage….I started tickling his fingers in hope of a response only to have him look up at me with this suicidal look begging “please either shoot me or shoot the bastard that put me in a bloody bird cage.” I asked the Kuwaiti if the 2 monkeys were mother and son……and the Kuwaiti looked at me all confused and said “no mother and son…just friend” [Kuwaiti Accent]…..As depressing as the scene was…I was laughing uncontrollably at the Kuwaitis expense.

Monday, March 2, 2009

10 things that crack me up about the global economic crisis

1. No Bridezillas at this wedding




1100 couples in India tied the knot TOGETHER. Cost cutting through “group marriages” is becoming more common because of rising inflation in India… - I thought an arranged marriage was tough but c'mon now...group marriages? I would bet that 700 of those couples met their husband/wife AT THE WEDDING!!!



http://in.news.yahoo.com/139/20090302/824/tnl-over-1000-couples-tie-knots-in-mass.html

2. You have to pay to join the Mile High Club?


Ryanair is going to start charging its passengers for using the toilets on the flight!!!!

When I traveled as a kid, we used get stuffed animals, a can of minute maid juice on demand, a kit full of toiletries and check in 2 bags at 30KG each… Honestly…what’s next guys….are we gonna have to put a damn quarter in the seatbelt to buckle up now.



http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7914542.stm

3. Gigalo is the way to go



When I was graduating, everybody wanted to be an investment banker including myself. I’m glad that people realize they are other ways to crack 6 figures. Daniel, a male escort from London is making some extra cash in the economic downturn by offering his “services” for £100 an hour.


http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7914639.stm



4. 1 Trillion Dollars!


Is it me or is a million not a big number in today’s times. However, I have never heard the term billion as much as I did in 2008. And now the new trendy thing is talking in TRILLIONS. King Abdullah from Saudi made a random statement during the economic summit in Kuwait that the Arab nations collectively lost $2.5 TRILLION DOLLARS in 4 MONTHS.

I’m sure if you asked the him what it was spent on…the response will be: ”uhh...STUFF”
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7834829.stm


5. Aston Martin….yes..I own it


I know a lot of you are probably asking how is that even possible to lose 2.5 trillion in 4 months, Well I’ll tell you for example in Kuwait…your financial planners aka huge investment companies like Investment Dar invested almost $1 billion to buy Aston Martin just so they could say “We own it” [Kuwaiti Accent]. 2 Years later the company is struggling to keep its head above water, and announcing pay cuts for all employees (the nicer alternative to layoffs)


6. From slumdog to millionaire….and then back to Slumdog



Slumdog cost approx. $15 million dollars, and it made almost $100 million on the US box office (number is still growing). The movie made 7 times of what it actually cost. For those of you that love this overrated movie will finally understand why I’m not impressed with our profit sharing friend Danny Boyle.

The two kids who portrayed young jamal and young latika were actual kids that lived in the slums of Mumbai that got local wages for 30 days of work they put into shooting the movie and then returned to their ghetto holes. Even after the movie cracked 50 million these kids WERE STILL living in their slums…obviously after the movie’s success at the golden globes and baftas, the Indian government finally decided to take them out of the slums because of all of the commotion it stirred.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7909660.stm

7. Bernanke’s Baffled ass


2 weeks ago head of the fed (Bernanke) was preaching about how optimism will cure the US economy…. 2 weeks later consumer confidence hits an all time low after he states the recession will progress into 2010. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that a bit pessimistic?





8. Globally Available Recession Goods

I met with one of our clients the other day, and I had to comment on this ugly Styrofoam hat that was on his desk. He laughed and told me that it was his “recession hat”. In past years, the company usually has giveaways like sun block, a hat or visor when they have their sports days. Given the current market conditions in 2009 all employees are now getting a Styrofoam hat that melts on top of your head….but does a damn good job of keeping the sun out of your eyes.


In Japan, they are selling RECESSION BEER…. It’s half the price of other beers in Japan…and what these cheap ass beer drinkers don’t realize is…it’s not Beer. I cannot wait to see the next Budweiser commercial showing the evolution of Beer from Regular to Light and now to our latest beer called the Recession beer which tastes like horse piss in a can.



9. Reason for termination: Facebook
[Based on true story]



Imagine coming into work, and your boss tells you the good news that the company is not downsizing, and not affected by the recession. Bad news is you have to clear your desk because your status on facebook was “I’m bored at work”
http://edition.cnn.com/video/


10. When things are going down….go Topless!!!


I do believe while some people are losing homes & their savings by the minute, there is a guy around the block getting rich. This looney coffee shop owner in Maine has his male and female wait staff servicing the shop's customers topless.
Who knew coffee and boobs go together….NOW that’s what I call a great “stimulus” plan.

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/US/02/27/topless.coffee.shop/index.html